Writing about music is like knitting about sculpture. Sure, that’s a paraphrase of a more famous line, but isn’t that the kind of thing music critics do? Scott G is happy to disparage those pencil-neck geeks of the music press (even while his alter-ego The G-Man fears the result when his “Crazed + Dazed” album is released).

Herewith, my gripes about far too many music writers:

* They don’t know how to write

* They don’t know anything about music

* They are failed musicians

* They find a few artists they like and compare everyone else to them

* They only know a couple of genres of music but insist on reviewing other genres anyway

* They’re only in it to make a score (become a manager, producer, songwriter, publicist, music supervisor, A&R rep, music publisher, etc.)

* A surprisingly small amount of money buys a good review

* Despite being less important than composers, songwriters, producers, engineers, conductors, singers, instrumentalists, music teachers, limo drivers, and hair stylists, they actually think they are the most valuable person in the room

(Okay, there are some exceptions to that last item. George Bernard Shaw, Virgil Thomson, Leonard Feather and Orson Welles all wrote music criticism.)

Imaginary Conversation
My final point about music critics can best be expressed by quoting a conversation that has never taken place:

Guy: “Would you like to go to the club and hear some music?”

Gal: “If you bring paper and pens so we can write down what we think of the music while we’re listening to it.”

Yet that is exactly what music critics do, which means they are not actually experiencing the music itself.

So, there you have my reasons for this column. That and the fact that I, myself, have hardly ever been guilty of more than forty percent of these things.

[tags]gman, G-Man, Scott G, Music Critics Must Die, music rants[/tags]